Ships that cannot sink nor float

I failed badly in my past relationship. cheated, lied to, and deceived. I have been loyal to the X but what I get is just this. He went off got himself a chick and marries. What about those promises he made when we were on a long distance relationship....hmmm. Anyway its over and I have already hopped onto another ship. How's this ship?????

He is nice, treats me well and all u ever wanted in a guy but the down side to it is mom and dad does not like him. Its the race thing. Sigh.

I have seriously ran out of ideas on what to do. I think I am going to leave it as it is till he pushes to get married and then at that time i will have to see what I should do. I know I know it will be very soon but who knows what will happen to me till then i don't wanna commit to anything.
Don't get me wrong here, I am all ready to get married ever since the X said he will marry me no matter what. But I guess its not my time and luck.

Maybe I am meant to not be married. Maybe its better then I don't have to make anyone sad or mourn when I die. And yes its ok to die alone and have no one at your funeral, because you won't even notice it and when you die its a whole new afterlife and I don't know what will happen. So its there a different between dying alone and dying with a whole lot of people in ur funeral.

Don't get me wrong here I do love K very much and wish to be with him day and night but with the whole mom and dad not allowing thing, I am realllly reallllly stressed. I guess either way I will be unhappy. I guess I will know by then what to do.

What will you do in my situation.
Marry K when he is ready?
or not marry him because of your family?

All about June

June came and gone so fast that I did not even noticed it. June was a pretty big month for me as it was K's birthday. I celebrated his birthday at some steamboat place as he was craving for it. After that every weekend was spend celebrating his birthday with his friends and our friends. Therefore I can say I think I have put on the weight I lost since I started kickboxing a few months ago. Sigh......
Recently I have been thinking quite a lot actually. About life and about my future. I have made a decision to be single for life. I think its easier for me and everyone around me. I am not saying that I am not happy with K. I am very happy but I have family problems that I would say will never allow us to tie the knot. So whether I like it or not.... things are going to stay the same for the rest of my life.
Yes you can say I am selfish or my parents are selfish. Whichever way I think its still my fault in some ways. I don't expect him to wait or anything, he has a life to go on too rite?
The question that people tend to ask me is are u going to be lonely?
I guess i will but do I have a choice my question is. Would you leave your parents and not be there when they are ill and sick and be with someone you love? I reallly don't know the answer.
So I guess I will let things be and enjoy my life. Plus who knows. Life's short especially with cancer being the no one killer nowadays. I am not jinx-ing myself just something to think about sometimes.
So what I do now is aim to lose weight and travel the world when I have someone to go with right now :).